"Dear Agony" is one of my favorite songs and it also describes my life. The melancholy that I feel often makes me imagine the pain as a separate entity. Giving it a name, maybe "Agony", makes it seem more innocent and normalizes my experiences. Saying "What can we do... I'll just have to endure it!" becomes easier. Am I being too hard on myself? I can't answer that question because I know myself too well. Sometimes I think that if I could commit suicide, many people would be in a better situation and I wouldn't cause pain to others. But at other times I think "if the people I love loved me as much as I love them, I couldn't do this bad thing to them!" Maybe that's what keeps me alive. I don't want to go to heaven or hell. The burden of consciousness is too heavy. The idea of heaven seems pointless and boring, with everything being perfect. Aren't beautiful things supposed to be the ultimate goal? Then why all this effo...